It’s almost the new year & that means that literally most of the whole world will make resolutions.I have nothing against resolutions other than they have the tendency to never make it to completion.
Instead of a list of resolutions on a “better” me, I wanna make a list of what the old year brought & taught me. Somehow I feel like it will definitely influence how I live not only in the new year, but the rest of my new years.
– I finally got used to college. This might seem a bit late, being three semesters in, but I finally feel like I belong. I feel like an adult, in college, making decisions, & I’m also able to make business calls that my mom used to make for me because I was too chicken to make my own phone calls. NOT ANYMORE. I’ve conquered the devilish business of the tedious/annoying adult phone call. College hasn’t fixed me. I’m still a very nervous person who has a difficulty connecting with new people. & in school this year I came across the first non-family, blatant, made me cry for an hour, person who decided to take their anger out on me. I’m a likable person( so I’m told & so I sincerely hope) once you get past the extreme awkwardness…& I thought this person was my friend. Honestly, I think he still is my friend, I think, I know, his own personal insecurities led him to what he said. Still didn’t make the experience any easier or any more pleasant. Maybe I’m too forgiving, I might be too much of a people pleaser, but I believe in the goodness of people even when they let the not so pretty part be the dominant part of their nature. Some day, I won’t even think twice about phone calls, mean comments, or college. But this year I learned that growing up is awful & it’s also awfully wonderful. It doesn’t suck.
– I learned a lot about myself. I like Hawaiian pizza, Biscoff Spread, peach daiquiris, instant photos,Greece, 90’s TV series, watercolors, old music,Vincent Van Gogh, Guardians of the Galaxy, Interstellar, sad books, Spotify, elephants, Abe Parker, Baz Luhrmann movies, leggings, polka dots, golden doodles, free books, Apple products, William Sonoma, old records, & cello music. I apparently like to write. I like interacting with my professors & getting to know people older/wiser than me. I like to dye my hair & have winged eyeliner on because it makes me happy. I like collecting old bottles & may have a slight obsession but I’m not admitting that because I don’t have a problem. I learned that college kids are just as petty as highschoolers, no matter how much we try to pretend we aren’t. Actually, the whole world likes to pretend it moved past the high school years, but it really didn’t. I like to paint my nails nude colors because I guess I’m an adult now. I love Goodwill & bought way too much there this year, including the $12 dollar chair I’m sitting in to write this. I’m terrible at waking up at 8 a.m. I learned that I don’t know everything & that remaining open to listen to others opinions & not be judgmental of others can get you places. This old year taught me about myself & has helped shape me–2014, I’m ever grateful.
– I traveled to:
Athens & Syros, Greece
Kings Mountain, NC
Black Mountain, NC
Lower Burrell, PA
White Sulphur Springs, WV
Hot Springs, TN
– I made an effort to get out & go to as many concerts as possible (around things already planned like school & family & friends& other events) & I made it to 3. A We the Kings concert. An Abe Parker concert & a Rusty Clanton &Tessa Violet [People You Know] concert. I have plans to go to one more the 31st & two more in the beginning of the new year. I like this new aspect, I love music, & live performances have been an amazing experience of 2014.
2014 was an emotional year. A year of stress & tears. Hopes & dreams & realizing some of what I want to do with my life right now. Of course I’m worried about the future, but this year taught me that I am most definitely, not even a little, guaranteed the next day or the next minute. I’m literally guaranteed almost nothing. I’m becoming o.k. with that, because in reality I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or ten years from now. I’m o.k. with that–but explaining that to people who ask if I’m getting married soon or if I’ve figured out what I’m gonna do with my life is a little more complicated. But I don’t know the future. I could die in a minute–so I’m not gonna hypothesize about it–I’m gonna live.
In 2015 I want to love better, live better,& press on. I wanna keep up with my grades & learn how to wake up at 8 a.m. without feeling like growling at people, I wanna learn to listen more. I wanna do things I’ve never done before, but I’m not gonna make a list of what those things might be. I’m blessed with a new year… It’ll be newer & fresher & I’m gonna live every seconds, all 31,536,000 of them, & I’m not gonna speculate what exactly that might mean.
To each person I met in 2014, thank you for becoming a part of my life
To those I’ve known forever, thank you for remaining year after year, your influence in my life is immeasurable.
To my family, thank you for the laughter, the new shoes, & the way you are always there for me even when I’m not at my best.
To those in my life that left too soon,I miss you. The hurt never gets better. You are never forgotten. It might’ve been a year or just a couple of months, but every once & a while I think about something I’d tell you, write you about, or call you about & living in this world without you is still almost unbearable. The tears don’t come as easily though, & the ache is dull, but never gone
To my educators,bravo & thank you for the countless hours you’ve given me. Your sacrifice & help have gone beyond what you have to, & you probably won’t ever know the magnitude of difference it has made.
To you, the reader, thank you for taking time out of your year, for using your seconds to read some of mine. I’m truly grateful to each person in my life, for each experience, each scar, & each story that I now have.
If I have an opportunity- I’m gonna take it.
If I see a book- I’m gonna read it
If I’m invited somewhere- I’m gonna go
If Christ leads me to do something, anything- I will do it.
If life happens- I’ll live it
May the new year bring you unexpected adventures, grand stories, & the knowledge that each day, each breath is precious. Don’t waste it, don’t take it for granted, don’t lose hope, 2015 is going to be our best year yet.
Here’s to LIVING!
T.G.I.A.T.N.Y- Thank Goodness It’s Almost The New Year.