{DangerDoes} Don’t Tell Me I’m Pretty

Don’t tell me I’m pretty

Don’t compare my face with the others that you have seen

Tell me I’m otherworldly and ethereal and beyond comprehension 

Tell me that what I think matters and that what I say has merit

Listen

Ask me what my opinion is on the book you just read or why I think Pluto should still be a planet 

Tell me a story that nobody else knows

Let me inside the vault of your mind and your heart that you keep closed

Tell me that the way I use words heals the hurts that run miles deep

Tell me my heart is full of compassion

Tell me that I matter and am brave even when I feel ready to sink

Tell me that my emotions are what make me strong

Tell me the truth when it’s hard, when I’m cruel and shouting and falling apart and blaming you for things that aren’t your fault

Tell me that I’m the one that makes you want to stay at home when the whole world is calling your name 

Don’t call me pretty,

tell me I’m enough and complete without you

but that you’d like to walk with me wherever I’m headed.

Two whole people,

who say so many things but don’t tell each other that they are pretty.

 

{DangerDoes} 4 letters, many words

It is going to get coffee and bringing back two
it’s words, it’s feeling, it’s comfortable silence, it’s loud laughter at midnight
It is commitment for the better, the sick, the haves and the nots.

It’s not just words spoken or things written on paper or empty promises forgotten on the back shelves of our minds
It’s a vow with a purpose, a goal with the end, to better not just yourself but each other in the world that we’re in
Working together, making more problems than solutions not a movie ending with the sunset in the distance.

It’s the keeping of promises, honor, respect, honest, and pure.

It is taking what you could give in pieces to many and refusing to break it up.

More and more, those four letters are strung together and thrown around like confetti. Noticing the mess it makes because it’s beautiful but a pain to pick up yet we keep throwing because it’s a celebration, even after heartbreak we find healing.

Scared of hurt and unsure of ourselves,
sometimes it’s a flower we refuse to pick and just leave growing.

It’s the way we wonder if we’re insane.

It’s the way it hurts to give on hard days. When you don’t want to but the commitment is made
It’s muddy and unclear and an uphill hike both ways, yet we treat it like the resolution to our problems, a magical elixir, a fairytale ending.

But it’s a beginning. The sunset brings a sunrise. The romance brings reality.

If one thing holds clarity it’s this to me that it is a problem maker, a multiplier of frustration and a battle to fight for.
It’s not our solution, it won’t heal our hearts.

All I can say about it is that

well,

l-o-v-e,

Love is a start.

 

{DangerDoes} Dear me, from me

Dear me,

read this, I hope you listen on repeat
to me,
from me,
hear me speak
please be wild and free
don’t say nothing, for to not speak is to speak
stand for what is right, look those things in the face
do not fear death
meet it with fire and grace
grasp that precious life
trust through the doubt, have faith to thrive through uncertainty
cry and grieve when you and others are hurting
mourn
be love and be loved and be okay with letting go when love isn’t the answer
press on
be called
let intentionality drown you and bring you back to life again
Let holy moments convince you of the places where the veil between runs thin
see all of the glory in them, see all the glory within
live fearlessly in His close embrace
live out that grace

from me

signed,

me

-{DD}

{DangerDoes} song;dance

I’ll faintly hear it and suddenly ache
my tshirt accented in tears over what was imagined with you
It’s broken and my heart lies cold
in an out of body experience where the feeling that I can’t ever be enough
is continually pumping and pushing blood through my veins.
I’ll never be ideal
The one you want The one you need The one you’d choose
I think of the maybes then the needle drops and the record plays and it reminds me that notes and beats and poetic Shakespearean words turned lies that led me astray,

looking into your eyes as you were already looking away

Distracted and disappointed by time and freedom and unaware of the muchness of feeling and the mountain of my fear
You walked away before the start.
You missed our song, you missed the dance,
you missed our chance.
no song ; no dance.

-{DD}

{DangerDoes} 27th

I almost went the whole day, I didnt even notice. & then I did.
It wouldve been four years today
spent with you
The 27th will never be an important day, it cant be/
I still (& I guess Ill always) remember the first moment
front of a store, I smiled because your shirt had a pun
& now I sit here tears falling
& think that way back then if I knew what I did now
I wouldve stopped at appreciating at your corny teeshirt
& let you go on//
whats worst is that while I sit here & cry you probably havent even thought about it. Not at all.
How do sweet moments turn into memories that are becoming grey & fading fast?
& not to be mean & not to be cruel but in retrospect I know Im happier sitting here crying than I would have been if I had stayed with you.
It doesnt make it easier & it doesnt mean I regret that time with you. It just means our time was over. It’s past tense.
This 27th was four, not anymore, but it would’ve been. But,
I am where I am & I am where I’m meant to be.

I’m happy–I’m me, & even with subsiding tears I truly believe, right here right now with every tear gone,

I’m moving on.

 

 

{DangerDoes} incomplete thoughts on hellos, goodbyes

I am aware that the next time I go out
I might see you again
And it’s formidable only because
seeing you for the first time
since I saw you for the last time
makes right now
seem like some kind of white noise, blank space purgatory
And every time I think I see you I turn around or drive away and
I need more oxygen and my pulse goes into frenzy until I realize it wasn’t your truck and the hair was the wrong color
I still worry that today will be that day
Not that I don’t want to see you or that I hate the thought
But it’s that seeing you would remind me that what we had was not what I want
It is different
and hard to adjust
which is why I avoid and run and hide away
pushing that inevitable day further away where we’ll either pretend to have never met
Or worse,
we’ll say hello again.

and the thing about that is
goodbye makes hello seem like the worst part.

{DangerDoes} Four & Fourteen Months

{A poem of my heart thoughts over two dear people who passed four mouths & fourteen months ago}

 

Constant sorrow is my friend
Even when I tell it to go away it comes back again
& I find it impossible to turn a blind eye
From the way it speaks & the way it sighs
life wont give me a break
from this constant deep chest ache
Clinging and hoping I barely see the light
Knowing and believing seem so far apart
Winter oppresses and no birds are in flight
I try to think and sometimes, almost never
I go to that porch and sit by your window
and the sorrow seems forever–
Forever seems infinite and incomplete like walking forward into the past week after week
But life isnt bleak
it just seems dull
The sun shines and the birds harmonize
in the world you loved
finally turning back to green.
Life isn’t over it has just begun

but sorrow wont leave
it clings to this heart
but one day it wont seem so constant
or tear me apart

{DangerDoes} Old school poetry

By old school, I mean that this is a poem from a couple years ago. It’s not like vintage old skool funky awesome stuff. It’s just old. It’s old & it was a school assignment, where I had to write something, anything, about what the phrase, “The Good Life”, meant to me. So I wrote a poem.

Do We?

What is the Good life
What is the Bad?
(Questions, these are questions, I have)
Is it when we’re content or gripped with gloom or is it when we are riddled with doubt?
Is it when we feel we have nothing to lose Or when we live with something we could live without.
Like without the answers we want Or the ones that we’ve bought By sacrificing our needs for our own wants
Is there a better way than what we see
Is the Good life out there
and we just can’t see?
Do we suffer for nothing Or in trials do we
happen to stumble upon the thing that we need
That through strife we have strived for and day by day we have strained
Do we realize through these everyday things
(chaos, beauty, wisdom, mystery)
That we have the good life waiting?
Do we?

-{DD}